the spirit grabs you and you fall down

vivaverv @ 2009-11-09T17:20:00

2009-11-09T22:10:45Z

I am allergic to bullshit.

Whoops, nevermind. (More vanity.)

2009-11-05T15:02:45Z

Ibai totally bribed me, hahahaha. He wanted me to keep my natural color so badly that he offered to take me to the salon of my choice to get a nice haircut. Well, seeing as though I was dyeing it because I couldn't justify spending the cash to cut it - how can I refuse?

So now I'm on the hunt for a good haircut.

And I'm finally going to Russell! I'm so excited. I've been watching him do amazing things to Colleen's hair for years and now I get to play, too!

vivaverv @ 2009-11-04T18:50:00

2009-11-04T23:41:07Z

I'm dyeing my hair tonight.

What color?
Torn between dark chocolate brown, a natural-ish red, or blonde-r.
All semi-perm.

Ibai is whining his ass off about me changing my hair but he's just going to have to deal.

Facebook chat isn't working or else I'd direct this question to about 15 different people: WHAT COLORRRRR?

polly jean harvey

2009-11-02T21:24:32Z

I've got my ass-kicking shoes on.
I'm in the study bunker and I'm not coming out 'til this shit is passed with flying colors.
I'll be in the world again after Wednesday.

I need to trim my hair. Or color it. Or something. Maybe bleach. Maybe so.
Maybe not. Ibai starts grumbling every time I talk about changing my hair. He's so attached to it.

I feel a lot more edgy than I look, lately.
Time for boots and wintry things.

PS

2009-11-02T02:05:41Z

NOT SICK ANYMORE!

WOOOOO!!!

vivaverv @ 2009-10-30T03:07:00

2009-10-30T06:59:04Z

Dear Nose,

Why are you doing this to me? All I do is support you and hold you up, and you rain shit on me all day. You unload yourself whenever you feel like it with no consideration for your neighbors. You have no self-respect. You make weird noises until the early hours of the morning and you regularly dribble on incessantly over nothing at all. Please control yourself and monitor your behavior. If there is no change soon, then I am sorry to say that I just might have to cut you off.

Wishing You The Best,

Face

vivaverv @ 2009-10-26T12:32:00

2009-10-26T16:22:11Z

Sick again. Just a cold this time, but it blows (my nose, HAW HAW HAW).

vivaverv @ 2009-10-15T13:34:00

2009-10-15T17:24:06Z

I gots the pigsick.

I've been in bed for three days now. I can't walk to the bathroom without getting dizzy and nauseated. I've had and broken four high-grade fevers in three days. It's a real biatch.

Although, I will say:
Ibai trying to make pig noises at me to wake me up - and those pig noises actually having a Spanish accent - is fucking hilarious.

Craig brought me a ton of water and cranberry juice and ginger brew yesterday. Seriously, made everything so much easier. Thank you, Craig!
Now take some fucking vitamin C ASAP, man, because according to the infirmary I gots the swine nasty .

Ladies, this might throw a wrench in our Where The Wild Things Are plans. I don't particularly like the idea of giving all my best friends H1N1.

vivaverv @ 2009-10-08T11:28:00

2009-10-08T15:32:19Z

Yesterday I worked at East End from 10:30 to 3:30. Then I jetted to have lunch with Ibai and do graphic design work for Pizza Palace. I worked until it was done but I was a little late for class. Jet to class, draw-draw-draw-, great work as usual. Professor again stresses that I need to reregister so that the faculty can fight for a merit scholarship for me, because they will. Tells me that a year or two spent at SF to fix my old GPA (he even leveraged with 'Ibai's got two years on his PhD still, it's not like you guys are leaving yet') and a portfolio will mean that I can go wherever I want after that, he really believes it. Inspirational, note to self, get that shit done. Then to finish design work, and then I jetted to the house to try to nap for 30 minutes because I'd gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before. Then I showered and dolled it up and did my promotion for American Honey. Then I went back to the UF library to do more design work. Ibai and I found ourselves at Applebee's at 1am, looking strung out and weird - I'm still wearing my American Honey gear and smelling like a bar, he's four days unshaven and hair all crazy. We find peace within each other and to bed.

This morning I'm still tired. Yesterday was a long fucking day, but I got a lot done and made a lot of money. I'm easing into today. I have class at one. I'm not going to do anything but eat and clean up this line drawing for Newell and wait for him to rip it apart.

I'm coming to the sleepover Saturday, girls! If I don't have a promotion. I have to check. Fuck it, I'll come even if I do.

My grandfather moved to Tennessee yesterday. It was sudden and very emotional for me. He gave me all of the rings he ever gave my grandmother. I'm wearing the smallest one that he gave her when she was 21. I never take it off. I never will. I tried not to cry and I did pretty well (at least until I got to the car, and then I lost it) but I really don't know if I'll see him again. One of the keepsakes was an old skeleton key - the key to my great-grandparents' front door in Alabama. Another was the brooch he gave her for her 30th birthday. These things are my treasures. I would give up everything I own, art supplies included, before I would let these go. I miss him already.

Mom offered to put the procedure for having my wisdom teeth out on her dental credit card (these exist?!) so that we can just pay it off monthly if we will come up there so she can take care of me after the procedure. I'm going to talk to Ibai about it tonight to see when we can do this. I'd like to spend a week - a couple days for the surgery, a couple days for the come down, and then a couple days to see my family.

Alright, time to work on this drawing. I'm going to try to make it perfect as I'm sure that Newell will grade it hard. He seems to be a lot harder on the students that are a little further along. I got my first praise from him last class, so I'm sure he's going to balance it somehow.

Sorry I'm not more available, guys. I'm really busy and most of the time I'm exhausted.

vivaverv @ 2009-09-27T12:20:00

2009-09-27T16:14:23Z

Yesterday was sincerely one of the best days of my life - and certainly the best birthday I've ever had.
Thank you so much to everyone who made it happen! <3 <3 <3

Woooo.

2009-09-25T01:12:37Z

Already starting to feel it. I am so ready to go to bed. I've got another hour until Ibai is done with proctoring so it's library time.
I could've gone to work, but I'm going to be working so much in the upcoming weeks (and I'm so tired) that it would've just been torturous and redundant. I'm too tired to work on my homework. I'd just screw it up at this point.

We woke up at 6am and went into Gainesville after five hours of sleep. I met with the owner of OPP and discussed his ideas for my skillset. Basically a lot of marketing, idea-generating, some artwork, with a side of what seems like back-of-house and light office management (oh dear). Right now it seems like a lot. There is a lot of work that needs to be done to get the place to its full potential (which it has a lot of - it could be a really popular place with the right management and marketing). I hope they listen to my ideas. I think we could turn the place around - he is just going to have to listen to me. I won't let myself be exploited like last time, however. I will not be a crutch for any establishment. But I do want to help - the owner is putting his whole life (and his retirement) into this place. That kind of passion (even if it's for pizza) is always something I can get behind.

I start at EEE tomorrow in the afternoon. I come into Gainesville really early to buy my clothes for EEE and for AH. At some point I'm going to try to catch a nap - probably in my car or on the couch at CT. Then I have two events with AH tomorrow night. I'll be done around 1:30AM. They asked me to do three, but I couldn't - we're going to a memorial service on Saturday for Mr. Bill Parker, a good friend of Hector's. Since Saturday is my birthday and I have to get up early for the memorial, it just wasn't plausible. Still, it's nice to know that I could've made $93 in a few hours, without compromising any ethics (haha).

Ibai is being kind enough to play piano for the memorial. At first he didn't want to -- "It's your birthday. Your day. I'm not going to play for strangers on your birthday" - then, he admitted that if I really wanted him to do it, he would do it (which, I do - any good friend of Hector's is automatically a good friend of mine and we must help the family and send them off in a way worthy of the love they have) -- and there it is. He's being a such a darling about it. They put him on the program today.

Hector sent me a list of their ideas for music pieces -- I'll run them by Ibai and see which one he likes and which ones match his current repertoire (which is pretty large, so I feel good that it will be in there somewhere). Debussy and Beethoven was on the list, so I think that will be a definite Yes (he loves those). I don't know if we will stay for the whole thing, but I think Hector wants us to. Moral support. Mr. Parker was as good friend of his. Then there is the gallery reception at 2:30, which we may or may not attend after the memorial (largely depends on Ibai) and then Mr. Birthday Planner has the floor. I know there's a yummy dinner and a pedicure in there somewhere, but otherwise I really am not sure what else. He refuses to tell me anything! I hate suspense but I've got to indulge him, he's put so much thought into the whole thing.

I'm hoping that my asking Ibai to play for the memorial doesn't throw a huge hitch in the birthday plans - he's been planning this day for nearly two months. I'm excited! It's a funny feeling to be physically so tired and mentally so Up.

I also sat in on another drawing class today with Matt Newell. Dan sent me to him, to see what he thinks of my ability and potential (and thus, merit scholarships in the future). He's a lot harder on his students than Stepp, which is interesting. I like his style. He is unforgiving in a very pure way - he will not tolerate laziness. He will call you out on anything that looks like lack of effort or lack of tenacity. I love it, actually. He didn't have anything negative to say about my work, but we'll see. I'm going to attend as many classes of his as I can. This whole thing about a relative lack of criticism from my professors is making me paranoid that they're not being honest with me, but I suppose I will have to trust them and accept it. I have a hard time thinking I'm doing that well -- I usually only see the things that could be better. Still, I am learning a lot, and that is the important thing. My own evaluation of my progress is kind of irrelevant.

It's a good balance, between Dan and Matt. Dan is encouraging and wise, tactful and mellow in his delivery but will still always tell you what's wrong with your piece -- Matt is direct, wry and sharp-edged, but completely impersonal with his remarks. It's not about the student; it's about the piece. This is what you need to do and I will give you the tools to do it. Between the both of them it's very good stuff.

So, at this point, it's three art classes and four jobs.
Under normal circumstances, I would say: Something's gotta give.
But, really, I'm just getting started. AH and CT are contract jobs, so I control a large part of my schedule there. I don't know what the schedule expectations are with EEE and OPP yet, so those are up for negotiation (as well as compensation - I know the deal with EEE, but with OPP I suspect I've got leverage for a good wage with the workload and importance of position that we've been talking about). Whew. This was long. Now I'm off to nap in my car for the next hour, drive home, feed my fish and give him his antibiotics (finrot, ew!) and start again tomorrow.

Somewhere in here I've got to paint a 16x20 portrait and do three axis drawings and four tonal exercises. It will be interesting to see if there is, in fact, enough time in the day to do all of these things. It's nice to have the ability to pick and choose, though.

Alllrrriiiiiiggghhht kids. I better see you on my birthday, all of you! I expect love and kisses and hugs and laughter! YES I DO.

It tastes sweet.

2009-09-24T04:31:41Z

I got two jobs today.

TWO JOBS IN ONE DAY.
This is a personal record.
One of them, I applied for this morning.

I'm a baller, baby. I just wantcha to know.

That makes FOUR -
FOUR JOBS, AH-AH-AH.

Combine this with absolute domination in my classes (read: professor telling me to apply for merit scholarships and expressing a willingness to go to bat, plus a nearly flawless body of work so far) and I would call this day a total success.

vivaverv @ 2009-09-11T17:19:00

2009-09-11T21:22:40Z

Quiero un mundo nuevo.

Pues, nada.

vivaverv @ 2009-08-23T22:38:00

2009-08-24T02:42:31Z

Lately I have been Queen of Tactless Blunders.

[to be said in snobbish, cawing British voice]
In the name of brutal honesty, I hereby subject all those close to me to the glare of my own iniquity.

Also, I don't know who keeps texting me, but I keep getting this message:

An incoming text message didn't come through due to a low balance.

Despite the fact that I bought a messaging bundle days ago.
Eff you, Virgin Mobile. Phone companies suck.

Le sigh.

2009-08-16T11:15:30Z

I'm gonna miss this place.

Time to say Goodbye to the cliffs today, and to the seagulls, and the massive pigeons. The weird chihuahuas-that-are-not-quite-chihuahuas, the obnoxious bro-like Spanish drunkards, the mountains, the Bay of Biscay. The Basques! And all their masked graffiti artists (which I saw in droves last night at Semana Grande) and freedom fighters, the government propaganda, the worried phone calls from my family asking if I've been blown up, my American friends being American and thus unnerved and disturbed by ripples in public temperament. The old falling-down buildings, the every-five-seconds photo opportunities, the amazing and cheap olive oil, the amazing and cheap wine, the horrible techno club music. The summer sales, the people walking their dogs without leashes, walking their cats without leashes, the sheep, ducks, bonito, and the rowers. The old men hanging out in bars with their wine and sweaters and berets, their cabbie hats, and the old women sitting in parks with their pearls and canes and gossip. The beautiful and borderline-personality-disorder women, the beautiful and too-short men, and the beautiful and perfectly-tall-and-probably-gay Armani campaign looking guys. The language, the sense of space, the flowers, the history. The art.

Everything.

I might be back again. 'Til then, España and Euskara.

___

Spread my ashes over Western Europe.

vivaverv @ 2009-08-11T15:37:00

2009-08-11T19:31:11Z

I was hiking today,
and this snake crossed my path right as I was about to step down,
and I shrieked, and jumped over it (miraculously) and ran away.

Then I went and looked up 'Spanish snakes'

AND IT WAS AN EFFING VIPER

I feel pretty alive right now.

Last night:

2009-08-05T12:21:23Z

For the first time in my life, I dreamed that I died.
Then my ghost cut off all her hair and laughed and danced.

It was just a dream, but it feels significant.

Well, that's a bummer.

2009-07-17T16:03:47Z

It costs the same amount to change my ticket from a coach round-trip ticket to a one-way coach ticket as it did to buy the thing in the first place.
I can't in good conscience ask anyone to pay $700+ just so I can go home three weeks early, so I am staying here.

This is not what I wanted, but I'll deal with it. Ibai is being very good to me, and it's really not his fault -- I just need to be with myself, and I can't do that here. That whole 'personal space' thing that Americans like so much really does not happen in Spain.

So I am going to have to suck it up and stop being so homesick, and make the best of my last month in Spain. I am going to have to unpack - in my eagerness to be home I'd already started packing, started doing laundry for the trip, planned what to wear to the airport (I got searched last time for wearing a long dress). Hopefully this later arrival will not negatively effect my job-hunt stateside, but honestly, I have a feeling that everything will work in my favor.

So, now. What now? I was wanting to come home, to work on my Dylan show and paint from photo of the beautiful places in Spain. I wanted to start writing in earnest for the book I've been planning (which I've found I can only really focus on when left to myself). I wanted to be alone day and night, and center myself, gather that beautiful solitary strength. Now I will be surrounded, instead, on all sides -- by beautiful things, but surrounded.

At least now my Spanish will be really good. I've started talking a little and I understand about 90% of what is said. There are good sides to everything. I will find the good in this side.

Madrid, El Prado, San Sebastian ... these are good things. I want to visit Andalusia and see a real flamenco bodega. I will call Antonio Lopez Garcia this week. I will write the letters I have been planning to write, and recoup, and make this the best thing that it can be. I will carve space for my painting into this little house, and I will make things.

I will be back in the USA on August 17th. I will be starting classes on the 24th. Somewhere in there, I need to find a second job, get a new phone, reinstate my car insurance -- all that good stuff. I couldn't do this without my family. I am grateful. I am also very sad -- I miss being able to go get something to eat at 3AM. I miss my friends being a short drive away. I miss driving. I miss going out without people staring (there is a staring culture here that does not exist back home -- people will just look at you, openly, for as long as they feel like it.) I miss a lot of things, but mostly I am disappointed that I am not going to get that time to myself that I have been craving. Oh well. There it goes.

Back to work.

Let's trifle for a minute.

2009-07-15T20:20:53Z

Some of the most beautiful men I've ever seen in my LIFE are beach rats in San Sebastian (Donostia).
Holy shit. I sent my friend LaDaun an e-mail about them just because she can't seem to find good-looking men in Bilbao.
(We had a ridiculous drunken conversation about it at San Fermines. Oh Lordy, I might transcribe that one soon.)

The women are gorgeous, too. I just don't get it. My genes are not keeping up, here. I come to the European continent and I go from a 7-9 (depending on the day and the audience) to a 4 in no time. (Gotta love female vanity.) I don't even hit the radar. The humility this invokes is refreshing, but at the same time I'm getting the urge to dye my hair or something similarly extreme that I decided I wouldn't do before I got here.

I keep thinking: I look better as a brunette. This weird red/blonde/brown shit that my natural hair does is just not cute.
Then: I looked really cute with short blonde hair. I might be too old for that now. Maybe I should drop a few Euros and get blonde hair again. If a short half-Thai girl can pull it off, why can't a Cherokee/Irish mutt? But it's so much up-keep, goddammit, and I can't cut my hair short again, I just don't have the heart.
Then: This is fucking stupid. Stop thinking about the damn hair and go draw something. Pretty people are only good as subjects and even then the ugly ones have more character.

So, kids, what are we doing when I get home? I'm going to be living alone in Alachua in a big house. I will need socialization. Ideas? (Weekends will be better -- I'm going to be working and taking classes.)

Also, anyone know of openings? I want a second job when I get back.

We're all adults here.

2009-07-06T05:29:58Z

If you do not understand my reasons for doing something -- all you have to do is ask.

vivaverv @ 2009-05-08T23:01:00

2009-05-09T02:57:09Z

I have about a week left in the US.
Send me your address! I will write and draw silly pictures.

vivaverv @ 2009-05-06T10:00:00

2009-05-06T14:01:11Z

Apparently I threw a rager. I don't remember anything past the third shot, and my friend just emailed me apologizing for kissing me. What the fuck happened? I am never drinking whiskey again.

Addendum:

After two full days of asking everyone what happened, apparently all of my friends think that someone put something in my drink. I was drugged at a party in my own house. Someone, please use this story to tell your kids about leaving drinks on counter-tops. Don't ever do it even if you trust the people you're with.

vivaverv @ 2009-05-04T19:38:00

2009-05-04T23:40:28Z

I am having a party tomorrow night and I expect you all to be there.

Except maybe Colleen, because she's sick.

But everyone else has to come.

vivaverv @ 2009-05-03T11:32:00

2009-05-03T15:32:48Z

It took me over an hour to wake up because I kept going in and out of sleep/sleep paralysis.

Laaaaaaame.

vivaverv @ 2009-05-01T18:18:00

2009-05-01T22:22:55Z

Had kind of a rough night, but feeling better now.

I got new glasses!

Two pairs. Except the other pair is reaaaally wonky and this pair is only slightly wonky.

Still, they make it look like one side of the computer is much larger than the other and I kind of feel like I'm getting seasick when I walk around. Is that normal?

Hm.